I love the ocean, but how can I say I love it without ever learn to reach its depths?
Where It All Began
It all started when I was working in Berau, East Kalimantan and access to underwater heaven was so easy โ just hours away. I have swum with stingless Jellyfish, seen bunch of turtles just a few meters off the shores, seen insanely healthy corals and colorful fishes coming in and out, and to top it all off, I met three gentle giants of Whale Sharks in Talisayan circling our boat โ they looked majestic as I’d pictured it to be, and then I saw a couple of people who held their breath and just disappeared deep into the blue. I wondered how.
All of those above are of different scenes at different times, but one thing remains the same: I admire them from the surface โ be it from the boat, or when I was snorkeling.
Ever since then I wondered what it would be like to swim deeper, to look at things a little closer โ just like how those gentlemen I met in Talisayan glided so graciously with those whale sharks. I loved the ocean, but wouldn’t it be a pity if I could only admire them from afar, not fully knowing what lies down there? That’s what I thought.
So one time when I was snorkeling with my friends in Maratua, and without any prior knowledge or skills, I took my life-vest off and I instantly felt so much cooler, thinking that maybe I could go under. I tried. Big mistake. I panicked and drank heaps of water โ yes I was almost drowned, mostly because I panicked. Thankfully, the boat guy saw me panicking and helped me out of water.
It’d be so silly if I drowned here, I thought. It was a rather scary experience for me, but crazily and weirdly enough, it actually sparked something in me โ my curiosity of the ocean and its depths, but this time I’m going to do it properly. That’s when I found out about Freediving.
I learned that people could hold their breaths for minutes, ugh I can hardly breathe at times let alone hold it for minutes haha! Ever since then, on the beginning of the year, I would always write ‘Learn Freedive’ as part of my NY resolutions. Covid hits, so does another variant, and then lockdown, but then covid’s gone and I remained the same. I made up excuses to myself to mask the fact that I’m scared โ I’m scared if I am not cut out for this, I’m scared if I could not hold my breath long enough or swim deeper enough. I am scared of the idea of venturing into the unknown. I know that it’s often the idea that scares you more than the actual thing โ like the idea of changing jobs, the idea of a breakup, or even the simplest of idea of eating alone at a restaurant. Years go by, I would write the same thing but continue to live my dream through other people’s experiences. I lived vicariously through my screen, wondering how it felt like to swim under.
July 2025
2025 has been a rollercoaster that only goes down. It felt like God has pushed the pause button on my life. I feel stuck, like I’m not progressing enough โ I’m doing things but I feel like I don’t do enough, or not significant enough. I decided to move back to Jakarta this month. And I’m so determined that before I leave, I had to take a Freedive course in Tulamben. It’s so funny how it takes me to let go of something to make a move.
So I mustered up all my courage to start and booked the freedive course for 15-17 July in Tulamben, Karangasem. I arrived a day early to prepare for my mental (even though I jokingly said that I’ve already spent 5 years preparing for my mental lol) because frankly speaking, I was a little scared. I was aware of the story I made up inside my head, but I refused to let it take the lead. I am gonna do it scared.
3 Day Freedive Course at𓇼FreediverIndonesia𓆉
Day 1 : Theory & Pool Session
My morning started off with a mini panic when I realized I had to drive amongst a LOT of giant trucks in Tulamben due to road blockage in Gilimanuk. Excuse my french but my amateur ass just hated it ugh.
We started at 9 AM at Bluehill. I then met my coach Agus, and Rei who happened to share similar story as mine โ we both left bali this month. We learned theory about freediving, boyle’s law, archimedes principles, how to fin, duck dive, and equalization technique, and many more.
Off to the pool we went! We started off with Static Apnea (STA)…. oh boy haha! I was able to hold my breath for 1:30 โ not so impressive but hey small wins! your girl will keep progressing as she goes haha. We then practiced proper finning technique, dynamic apnea, proper duck dive, how to rescue, how to be a responsible buddy, and many more. We ended our first day at around 4 PM. Boy oh boy, was it so exhausting haha I barely had enough energy to grab dinner.
Day 2: Open Water #1 & Theory
04:50 AM. I woke up early so I could spend more time to watch videos about Frenzel EQ and practice more to prepare for today’s open water session.
I was prone to seasickness and I hated it with my whole life so I decided to take a very light breakfast every morning. For the next two days, we’d be studying at A Sanctuary in Pantai Batu Belah. I genuinely loved the scenery that’s certainly out of Ghibli’s world โ ocean, mountain, hill, Bougainvillea, trees blend in together and said hello to me that morning. The winds blew, and the sound of bird chirping away blending in with the sound of super loud machine for cutting branches that got into my coach’s nerve haha. So we decided to practice frenzel and plunge into the ocean first. That was my first time wearing a wetsuit and long fins. Gosh I never looked so cool!
๐ผ โ.ห ๐ ๐ ๐กโ.ห ๐ผOff to The Ocean we went ๐ผ โ.ห ๐ ๐ ๐กโ.ห ๐ผ
I would be lying if I said I was not nervous โ it was not merely nervous, but more of a blend of excitement and worry. I held on to the buoy while my coach swam and dragged us to the practice spot. I looked under and holy moly mother of joey, I felt like there’s a huge whale shark just swimming in my stomach โ I prayed to God to protect me, help me, calm me because as someone with a near-drowned experience this was very nerve-wracking haha! After everything had been set up by my coach, Rei and I took turns to dive.
‘Koala’ Immersion โ we started off with ‘Koala’ Immersion where we went feet first โ crossing our legs in between the line and slid down WHILE equalizing WHILE holding my breath. Seemed like a lot to do at the same time, I know haha. At first I could only do a few meters, and then the next dive I could do a few more, and the next dive I was stuck, and the next dive I didn’t progress.
Free Immersion
So it’s where a diver descends and ascends along a weighted line by pulling themselves down and up with their arms, without the use of fins. However, I encountered a problem when diving head first. I tried to equalize yet I failed. I couldn’t equalize with my head upside down. My ears couldn’t pop. I tried so hard to do it, but I felt like there was no air, it was just so weird. I wondered why.
Prior to this, I’ve heard that it’s a lot harder to equalize when your head upside down, but I didn’t know it’d be this hard. I was stuck there. When I first tried it, I thought oh maybe what I did was right so I pushed myself deeper, but then my ears hurt. Yes, that’s when I learned that I did it wrong. I went to the surface with so much frustration that afternoon.
That’s my homework for Day 2 โ Frenzel EQ with head upside down!
Day 3: Open Water #2
05: 09 AM. Today was the last day. I woke up early again to learn and practice more about Frenzel EQ with head upside down, and study for today’s exam. I tried to equalize while doing Adho Mukha Svanasana (Downward-Facing Dog) and yet I failed, my ears wouldn’t pop. So I asked ChatGPT and watched a bunch of YouTube videos from freedive instructors โ most of the explanations were rather hard to digest.
Until I came across this video from Kaizen Freediving on YouTube where he explained that the problem with EQ upside down may not be in our Frenzel EQ technique, but could be the soft pallete issue. So he instructed to practice to 1. inhale with mouth, exhale with nose 2. inhale with nose, exhale with mouth, do the practice for 2 minutes respectively.
I then tried doing it for a couple minutes while I bent my body on the edge of the bed with my head is upside down. I swear the ghosts in my room were probably laughing because I looked so silly.
and then moment of truth…..
I CAN DO IT! I can do Frenzel EQ with my head upside down. OH MY GOD. I took a video and that captured the moment exactly when I could finally do it. I was ecstatic, I was so so happy I could do it.
๐ผ โ.ห ๐ ๐ ๐กโ.ห ๐ผOff to A Sanctuary and to The Ocean I went๐ผ โ.ห ๐ ๐ ๐กโ.ห ๐ผ
Another moment of truth…. I can do it on land, can I also do it in the water? I’m worried if I could still not do it. First dive head first, I spent a good few seconds on the first line pull and didn’t move โ I made sure my jaw and neck were relaxed, and OMG MY EAR POPPED!!!! I could finally equalize head down! In that moment, I felt like screaming but knowing I’m underwater it only happened inside my head. I went back to the surface and I celebrated this small BIG (for me!!!!) WIN with my coach.
Constant Weight Training (CWT)
I then learned to descend and ascend along the line using my own body weight and long fins. I’m not sure why but I personally felt easier doing it than FIM. I could reach 13m, honestly, I did not know how I could pull this off hahaha only god knows.
Duck Dive
Oh my lord, this was so so much harder in the ocean. I could do it easily in the pool but I was STRUGGLING when out in the ocean. At a few attempts I could do it, but it was really that efficient as I’d hoped. Most of the times, I looked more like a dancing hippo with my body upside down trying to submerge myself. Gotta practice more and more, I know I’ll get there!
Be a Responsible and Qualified Buddy
In diving world, you ought to NEVER DIVE ALONE as we all could be exposed to any threat such as LMC, blackout. So you need to dive with a buddy โ a responsible and trained one. A responsible one will give you a peace of mind knowing that if something bad happens, you can count on them. I felt safe and peace when training at deep water because of my coach’s presence who provided me such great sense of safety.
So, in order to be a responsible buddy, I had to learn to
- how to meet the ascending diver at one-third of the total dive depth to provide support and safety. In the practice sesh, as a buddy I have to look into my coach’s eyes and body to check if he experiences any issues.
- Rescue! There were many failed attempts on this one. It was the last part of the day before we closed it off, so I could sense my body was not feeling it, it was really tensed, and I was really struggling. A couple of times when I finally got under, I found myself running out of breath and I went to the surface. I actually felt bad because I had to make my coach go up and down so many times because I couldn’t pull myself together hehe. And then one dive, I could managed to do it, I could grab my coach but because I panicked I didn’t see where I was going, so we both were stuck under the buoy, oh boy (it rhymes!), and then another dive I managed to take us to the surface but I couldn’t reach the buoy, which resulted in my coach slipping through my hands *at this point im like omg im so ded im so screwed lol* . Then finally…. I could do it
Your girl is a certified W1 freediver! Wohoooo! I honestly had 0 expectations when I signed up for this courseโ I did not expect nor chase this because I genuinely just wanted to learn and I was also told that there’s no way a beginner could pull this off in 3 days. So, I came with 0 expectations but to have fun โ I genuinely wanted to have fun trying and failing without the burden of having to earn something. But hey no, don’t get me wrong, this certainly feels nice and I feel so so proud of myself because honestly, this is one of the most challenging things I’ve ever done! It feels like a strawberry whip cream on top of your already sweet ice-cream hehe.
It’s crazy how I found such profound meaning in Freediving, even in my very early days of practice. I wrote a piece of reflection on this blog post.
See you underwater with them nudis,
E
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